Lonely This Christmas

Lonely This Christmas

I don’t usually like to do super personal posts on here but I wanted to be honest through all of the rose tinted, latte art insta shots that life just ain’t that perfect.

Right now I’m in a self shut down mode. My boyfriend just moved to Jakarta for 6 months and my mood has been on a steady decline alongside my health and I’ve gone from cancelling dinner plans to cancelling life and staying at home. I constantly feel like I might burst into tears and I feel really quite pathetic as someone who coped independently sans boyfriend for a whole 24 years of my life . . what the hell has happened to me.

Lonely This ChristmasLonely This Christmas

I should point out that in general this time of year gets me down. A few years ago I was suffering bad with stress and anxiety which ended in a nervous breakdown and me being signed off work ohhhh about 2 days before christmas . . excellent timing. I spent most of that christmas day in my room crying over a particularly rude text from a colleague but we wont get into that one now! Lets just say this time of year brings back bad memories and I’m not sure if it’s just all of the people or all of the plans but something makes me want to quietly back out of the room and close the door on my social life.

So back to now. I just face timed with my boyfriend so obviously I’m looking at flights to Jakarta and planning my move but realistically I just went full time blogging and whilst people say “but you can work from anywhere” you really can’t . . not long term anyway. So here I am, miserable and thousands of miles away from my literal other half. I feel split in two and haven’t eaten a proper meal other than chocolate since before Christmas day.

I know it sounds silly but even when he was here I was mourning my loss and for that I can’t forgive myself. Those last few days I was moody and miserable because I knew I was losing him and now he’s actually gone all I can think is you stupid cow you wasted those days.Lonely This ChristmasLonely This Christmas

Anyway, this has completely turned into one huge rant/pitty party which it totally wasn’t meant to be. I just wanted to kind of give you an insight into the other side of my life because right now I’m living precariously through perfectly posed instagrams because otherwise I’d be posting a box of tissues and chocolate wrappers and no one want’s to see that.

I’m giving myself until 2017 to mope and be miserable then I’m sorting myself and being a total #girlboss . . so it’s ok to mope until then right!?!?

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  • MoreMindfulYou

    Stay strong! xx

    moremindfulyou.blogspot.com

  • Oh my god mope away girl, we all totally need to take time out and sometimes have a little self pity, I’m so guilty of that but I totally feel better after! I’m sure loads of people appreciate you being so open about everything – head up and smile knowing you’re better than those who brought you down! Get yourself excited to boss it this year! Xx

    http://www.stylepetal.co.uk

    • Thanks so much babe! I know right!! 2017 will be my bitch!

  • Ashley Christabelle

    Oh, I’m sending love to you from halfway across the world! That’s funny, I live in Jakarta, so I hope your boyfriend’s coping well with his move. Totally alright to mope away during this time of year, I had a pretty shitty Christmas as well and that’s totally fine. We never know what’ll happen with our lives, so just go with the flow. x

    http://www.ashrealasitgets.blogspot.com

    • Oh no if only we could swap places! Thanks so much for your kind thoughts and words babe!

      Sinead x

  • Oh bless you. It’s so hard when your OH is away, and if you already struggle with this time of year (which I do – so can totally relate) It’s important to take some time to allow yourself to mope, but also to not wallow in it. Your OH will come back in 6 months, and it won’t seem that long, not once you get yourself back to feeling okay again. Stay strong. x http://www.aimeeraindropwrites.co.uk x

    • Exactly! Thanks so much for the pep talk babe! I needed it! xx

  • Such an honest post Sinead. I can only imagine how hard it is to be away from your BF for so long, but hang on in there. I’m sure things wil get a bit easier and look up soon.

    I lost my Dad on this day last year, so I spent my NYE crying at the pub and then the bath and then the sofa. Feel so silly today, but sometimes you just have to let it all out in order to feel better.

    Lots of love to you. I love reading your blog. Xxx.

    Hayley
    http://mydebeauvoirdiaries.com

    • Oh babe I can’t even imagine having to go through that! Makes all of my problems seem minuscule! I hope you’re ok and thanks so much for your kind words!
      xxx

  • Rosie Butcher

    always here for you cutie xx

    • Thanks so much baby cakes

  • Gemma McLean

    I can’t imagine what it would be like to be without my boyfriend for 6 months.. He went to Nepal for 7 weeks there, which was hard enough. I’ve read in long distance relationships, the best thing to do is know when you’re going to see each other next, so you have that to look forward to. xx

    • Thanks lovely! I think it’s also because you know it’s so long! I will definitely be going out ASAP to see him!

  • Holly White

    Aw Sinead, I can’t imagine having to deal with this! I’m always here if you need a chit chat xxxx

    • Thanks lovely! I’ll definitely bear this in mind! Thanks so much xx

  • Oh honey, jump in a flight to there and be with him for few days or get yourself super busy so you focus on something else. If you need tips for a #girlboss check out this http://mihabalan.com/2017/01/01/girlboss-work-wear/. Hope everything is okay with you.

    • Thanks lovely!!! I’ll make sure to be busy!!!

  • Hey! Don’t get yourself down, it’s totally normal to feel that way when doing long distance. My boyfriend and I have done long distance twice in our 3 year relationship and it is so so hard. He moved to Hong Kong for 5 months and then I moved to Canada for 9 months, but we managed to visit each other and with constant face timing we got through it! If I can offer any advice, always have a plan for when you are going to see each other again (have something to look forward to!) and also keep talking everyday, it’s so important.

    You can do this gal, 2017 is going to be your year – just wait & see!

    Lynnsay x
    http://www.sartorialscot.com

    • Thanks so much lovely! I loved reading your comment and I know you’re right! Once I have those flights booked I can look forward to seeing him again!

  • Heather Lilia

    This absolutely isn’t a pity party! I actually made a similar post about how I don’t personally really like Christmas and can find it to be lonely and isolating at times… we’re just some of the rare people who actually admit as much haha

    xx Heather | stormywheather.com

    • Exactly! Thanks so much for making me feel better babe!