Anxiety, My Old Friend

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Anxiety, not just for christmas.

I’ve spoken quite a lot about my difficulties with anxiety in the past. Partly because I found it to help people but largely because past is the opperative word. It’s been about how I came over anxiety, how anxiety has affected me in the past and my tips for how you can deal with it.

The bitch is back.

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Anxiety, My Old Friend

I know anxiety is something that never truly goes away but the other week I had an experience that I wanted to share with you guys which I believe has had a lasting effect on me which I’m still suffering from now.

The other day I was walking to my sisters house with my puppy and boyfriend (Fiance) and I bumped into my old boss. – The old boss that caused my stress and anxiety, dropped me like a hot potato when I left the job after being signed off for months and went into my new place of work to speak to the manager about how unreliable I was –  yeah, her. I honestly don’t even think she recognised me, she was too interested in Penelope who is lets face it, the cutest dog alive, and also possibly because I marched past with my head down.

What was my reaction? I cried. After 3 years of not seeing her, she can still bring me to tears at just the sight of her, at just the sound of her voice. Is really quite disturbing. But it’s a major trigger for me. I’ve been on edge since, I’ve dreamt about her, I’ve thought a lot about what I wish I’d said and honestly I’ve been crying at anything and everything. I thought I was hormonal, I didn’t know what’s wrong with me. But I can clearly see the point when it began.

Now? I want to move. But I won’t because I’ve lived in this town my whole life and I love it. I honestly thought she’d moved, I know she opened a business in town that failed (is it wrong that I took joy in that fact?) and I had assumed and hoped that she’d moved from the area and I’d never see her again. But sadly not, she’s lurking around the areas my sister lives in which now puts me in a situation where I never want to walk to my sisters house again.

I wish I could end this with some wise words of wisdom like next time I see her I’ll hold my head up high and say hello but that would be a lie. Because I honestly have never dispised someone so much in my life. I know that good has come from it, look at me now! But it doesn’t mean that she doesn’t plague my dreams and that every time I walk to my sisters I’ll now be on edge, waiting for her to turn the corner at any minute.

I know there’s no take home from this, it’s pretty much a dear diary post. But I always talk about my anxiety as a past tense and I think it’s important for anyone who doesn’t have their shit together and thinks I have mine together, to know that I don’t. You only see and read what I want you to read. Which is why I wanted to share this, quite frankly embarrassing story, that at 27 years old I cried at the sight of another woman.

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PS You Might Like This

My Mental Health Story
5 Techniques For Dealing With Anxiety
Why I Got The Non Hormonal Coil

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4 Comments

  1. 6th March 2018 / 4:38 pm

    Oh my god babe my heart is melting! I totally get where you are coming from. A trigger is a trigger, even I have them and they are so hard to control but you know you’re better than her and you don’t need her negativity in your life! Dont let anyone ever make you feel like you don’t belong or that you have to change where you are happy!!

    x
    Shloka

    http://www.thesilksneaker.com

    • 4th April 2018 / 9:32 pm

      Thank you so much lovely! You are leaving me so many amazing comments, means so much to me!

  2. Pili G
    6th March 2018 / 8:28 pm

    I think this is totally normal! I still struggle with some people that have given me anxiety in the past. But I try to live my life and if I ran into them I need to be strong. I hope you feel better!
    Love
    Pili
    To Read with Tea

    • 4th April 2018 / 9:31 pm

      Thank you so much for the lovely words! I hope you are ok too and I wish you the best and hope you don’t have to bump into them again!

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